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Funny Day Cards

Funny printable birthday cards

Birthday cards for when you remembered late, or remembered on time and still did not make it to a store. Every card is a free PDF that prints on one sheet of paper.

The cards

  • Put acandle inanythingand it's acake.
    That's the law. I checked.Happy birthday to youand your ceremonialleftover lasagna.

    The Candle in the Wrong Thing

    Safe for the office

  • Happybirthday!I'm sayingit hereinstead ofthe groupchat.
    Over there, you'd have toreply "thank you!!"fourteen times. Considerthis card my gift: no replyneeded.

    The Group Chat Birthday

    Safe for the office

  • Happybirthday tosomeonewho'd likeeveryoneto stopsinging.
    I'll mouth the words.Make a face. Blow out thecandle. It's over in twentyseconds. You can do this.

    The Introvert's Birthday

    Safe for the office

  • Happybirthdaymonth tosomeonewhoabsolutelycalls it that.
    See you at the brunch,the dinner, the drinks, andwhatever the "smallthing" on the 24th turnsout to be.

    The Birthday Month

    Safe for the office

  • I meant tomail thiscard lastweek.
    Then I meant to buy oneat the store. Then Iprinted this at 11 p.m.Happy birthday. It's thethought.

    The Printed-in-a-Panic Card

    Safe for the office

  • Happybirthdayto theonly otherwitness.
    To the lamp. The car. Thething at the lake. Happybirthday. Our story hasn'tchanged.

    The Co-Conspirator

    For someone who knows you well

  • Happybirthday tomy favoriteperson toshare ablanketwith.
    Not that you share it. Youtake it. But today it'syours, officially, with myblessing.

    For a Partner

    For someone who knows you well

  • A smallaward fora big year.
    You kept a plant alive,returned a package ontime, and only cried atone commercial. Happybirthday.

    The Tiny Award

    Safe for the office

Want their name on the front?

The card generator puts their name and your own message on one of six designs, in Birthday colors.

Make a birthday card

How to print and fold it

Plain printer paper works. Card stock in the 65 to 80 lb range feels like a store card and still feeds through most home printers.

Quarter-fold, 4.25 x 5.5 in

  1. Print the PDF on one side of a US Letter sheet at 100% scale ("Actual size", not "Fit to page").
  2. Fold the sheet in half from top to bottom, printed side out. The small marks at the edges show where.
  3. Fold it in half again so the front design faces out and the fold is on its left. Write inside, sign it, done.

Half-fold, 5 x 7 in

  1. Print both pages on one sheet, two-sided, at 100% scale, flipping on the short edge. No two-sided printing? Print page 1, then feed the same sheet back in for page 2. Try it on plain paper first to learn which way your printer feeds.
  2. Cut on the corner marks with scissors or a paper trimmer. You end up with a 10 x 7 inch piece.
  3. Fold it in half on the center marks. That is a 5 x 7 card for a standard A7 envelope.

Frequently asked questions

Are these birthday cards really free?

Yes. Every card on this page is a free PDF with no account, no email and no watermark. Print as many as you need.

Who writes the jokes?

Every card is picked and signed off by Beau Branton before it is published here. Drafts that do not make the cut never become cards.

Can I add a name or my own message?

Write it by hand inside the printed card, or use the card generator to make a card with their name and your own words on it.